Intimacy is a hallmark of the Christian life (Au & Cannon, 1995). Experiencing true intimacy begins with knowing ourselves as being loved and accepting ourselves as lovable (Delio, 2013). The Christian understanding of God as Trinity described above makes intimacy and self-acceptance possible, even if we have never experienced the love of another human being. God loves us to the extent that God is prepared to become one of us subject to all of the cruelty we can muster in our least humane moments God's love encompasses the humiliating and torturous death of Jesus, God incarnate, on the Cross. The consequence of all this is that regardless of how we have been treated, humiliated, or hurt, God knows what such treatment is like. No matter how we may have treated, humiliated, or hurt others, God knows what such hurt and humiliation is like. God loves us anyway. When we talk about intimacy with others we are discussing a special kind of relationship, a way of relating closely associated in the philosophical sense with the idea friendship. There is an expression in English about 'fair-weather friends'. These are people who are your 'friends' when the going is easy but when the going gets tough they are nowhere to be seen. Real friendship, real intimacy, goes beyond being nice to a person when to do so is easy. It is about committing oneself to another person over time, even when that commitment is difficult for either of you. The consequence of this commitment is the build-up of trust. Intimacy and trust go hand in hand. An intimate relationship can be defined as differing from other kinds of relationships in at least six ways (Randall, 2014): Knowledge: intimate partners have extensive often confidential knowledge of each other Caring: intimate partners feel more affection for one another than for most others Interdependence: frequent, strong, diverse, and enduring effects on each other Mutuality: tendency to think of each other as 'us' not just I or me Trust: the expectation that one partner will treat the other fairly, warmly, and honourably Commitment: expect their partnerships to continue and invest personally in that expectation. Finally, intimate relationships can create a context in which we can experience what it means to talk about transcendence and the sacred. In intimate relationships we transcend our tendency to egotistical self-absorption as we lose ourselves in our wonder and concern for the other. In truly intimate relationships this loss of self is paradoxically an affirmation of oneself as someone truly worthy. We discover our own worth, our dignity as a human person, as we discover ourselves through the eyes and heart of our intimate other.

Saint John Paul II, in his interpretation of Genesis, points out that feelings of shame have no place in God's original vision of human relationships. God creates the woman from the man and the man recognizes the woman as one like himself. Together they give expression to a common humanity. Genesis tells us that though they were naked they were not ashamed. So, when we ask how we should characterize intimate relationships one important characteristic is freedom from shame. One does not feel ashamed and one does not shame the other. Consequently, one neither wants to hide from the other nor harm the other as a perceived source of shame. In the Genesis narrative shame is symbolized by nakedness. We live in a society which covers the genitals, the most intimate parts of the body. This is quite appropriate because we do not live in a world free of shame. However, the symbolism inherent in the idea of nakedness can also be applied to other parts of ourselves in the context of intimate relationships. The relationship that is free of shame is the relationship that feels no need for secrets, no need to hide anything, no need to fear the other or punish the other. In other words, the ideal intimate relationship is one of trust and justice. Realising this kind of trust, this freedom from shame, requires the recognition of the other in the way that the first man and woman recognize each other, that is, as one like myself but different from myself. As a couple together we are better than we would otherwise be. Another word for this is 'respect'. Respect has its root in the Latin for 'to look back' or to return a gaze. We say that love is 'to see as God sees' and we affirm that in the Trinity the Father and the Son look at or regard one another with love. We say that intimate relationships are based on respect, recognizing that such relationships are based on a certain way of seeing ourselves, the other and ourselves through the eyes of the other. When the other looks at us we are not shamed, we do not feel the need to hide ourselves or feel threatened by the other. Nor do we feel the need to defend ourselves from the gaze of the other. We return this gaze without fear. We gaze on the other as one both like us and unlike us and with whom we are better together. That is respect. That is the Christian vision of intimate love.

There is a kind of healthy shame that functions as a protector and guardian of the deepest and most sacred vulnerable part of oneself: our bodily and sexual life: and protects us from abuse whether self abuse or abuse by others (Percy, 2005). Relationships and particularly those that have a sexual dimension can be accompanied by a sense of shame. This may be a sign that something is not quite right about this particular relationship. True intimacy, true love, should not result in feelings of shame or guilt. Learning to discern these feelings and their meaning is an important part of the journey to emotional maturity. Moreover, feelings and their meaning can be important when we talk about safety and relationships. Such feelings can function as a kind of early warning system. Teaching young people how to recognize these can be important in empowering them to protect themselves and seek help in situations that may involve inappropriate sexual language, touching and the like.