Sexuality and spirituality are connected. Healthy sexuality is the experience of feeling whole and worthy as a sexual person. Healthy sexuality involves: being connected in all parts of one's sexuality to one's spiritual core; congruence of sexual behaviour with one's value system; meaningfulness in relationships; the position of love in one's life; the miracle of existence; and the development and affirmation of sexual grace (Maleny, 1995). Rolheiser (1999, p.198-202) offers four principles that anchor a healthy Christian spirituality of sexuality: 1. Sexuality is God's energy inside of us and leads persons to sanctity when its principles are respected. 2. Sexuality for the Christian needs the protection of reverence (chastity) and wisdom (prudence) 3. Sexual intimacy is sacred. It can never be simply a casual, unimportant, neutral thing. Its place is within a committed, loving, covenantal relationship as a privileged vehicle of grace. It brings God's physical touch to us and is a source of integration for the soul. 4. Sexual intimacy for the Christian must be linked to marriage, monogamy, and a covenantal commitment that is, by definition, all-embracing and permanent. Sex speaks of total giving, total trust and total commitment.
Intimacy is a hallmark of the Christian life (Au & Cannon, 1995). Experiencing true intimacy begins with knowing ourselves as being loved and accepting ourselves as lovable (Delio, 2013). The Christian understanding of God as Trinity described above makes intimacy and self-acceptance possible, even if we have never experienced the love of another human being. God loves us to the extent that God is prepared to become one of us subject to all of the cruelty we can muster in our least humane moments God's love encompasses the humiliating and torturous death of Jesus, God incarnate, on the Cross. The consequence of all this is that regardless of how we have been treated, humiliated, or hurt, God knows what such treatment is like. No matter how we may have treated, humiliated, or hurt others, God knows what such hurt and humiliation is like. God loves us anyway. When we talk about intimacy with others we are discussing a special kind of relationship, a way of relating closely associated in the philosophical sense with the idea friendship. There is an expression in English about 'fair-weather friends'. These are people who are your 'friends' when the going is easy but when the going gets tough they are nowhere to be seen. Real friendship, real intimacy, goes beyond being nice to a person when to do so is easy. It is about committing oneself to another person over time, even when that commitment is difficult for either of you. The consequence of this commitment is the build-up of trust. Intimacy and trust go hand in hand. An intimate relationship can be defined as differing from other kinds of relationships in at least six ways (Randall, 2014): Knowledge: intimate partners have extensive often confidential knowledge of each other Caring: intimate partners feel more affection for one another than for most others Interdependence: frequent, strong, diverse, and enduring effects on each other Mutuality: tendency to think of each other as 'us' not just I or me Trust: the expectation that one partner will treat the other fairly, warmly, and honourably Commitment: expect their partnerships to continue and invest personally in that expectation. Finally, intimate relationships can create a context in which we can experience what it means to talk about transcendence and the sacred. In intimate relationships we transcend our tendency to egotistical self-absorption as we lose ourselves in our wonder and concern for the other. In truly intimate relationships this loss of self is paradoxically an affirmation of oneself as someone truly worthy. We discover our own worth, our dignity as a human person, as we discover ourselves through the eyes and heart of our intimate other.