Sexuality must be grounded in respect for the power of sexuality to either enrich or diminish life. While sexuality is good and central to the unity of body, mind and spirit, sexuality can also be distorted and misused. The human sexual condition includes sexual abuse, sexual torture and sexual exploitation of the vulnerable by the strong (Callahan, 2007 p. 79). The results of fractured sexual relationships are often experienced as terrible heartaches, family breakups, and violence (Rolheiser, 1994 p. 199). Sexuality in the context and conviction of the Christian vision is situated within loving and just relationships and the enhancement of the human vocation. On the basis of a positive vision of sexuality, we can approach the entire subject with a healthy realism. It is, after all, a fact that sex often becomes depersonalised and unhealthy; as a result, 'it becomes the occasion and instrument for self-assertion and the selfish satisfaction of personal desires and instincts'. In our own day, sexuality risks being poisoned by the mentality of 'use and discard'. The body of the other is often viewed as an object to be used as long as it offers satisfaction, and rejected once it is no longer appealing. Can we really ignore or overlook the continuing forms of domination, arrogance, abuse, sexual perversion and violence that are the product of a warped understanding of sexuality? Or the fact that the dignity of others and our human vocation to love thus end up being less important than an obscure need to 'find oneself'? (Pope Francis, 2016 Amoris Laetitia)
There is a kind of healthy shame that functions as a protector and guardian of the deepest and most sacred vulnerable part of oneself: our bodily and sexual life: and protects us from abuse whether self abuse or abuse by others (Percy, 2005). Relationships and particularly those that have a sexual dimension can be accompanied by a sense of shame. This may be a sign that something is not quite right about this particular relationship. True intimacy, true love, should not result in feelings of shame or guilt. Learning to discern these feelings and their meaning is an important part of the journey to emotional maturity. Moreover, feelings and their meaning can be important when we talk about safety and relationships. Such feelings can function as a kind of early warning system. Teaching young people how to recognize these can be important in empowering them to protect themselves and seek help in situations that may involve inappropriate sexual language, touching and the like.