The concept of identity expresses the innate human desire to form a coherent sense of self through making free choices about who we want to be and what we want to do in the context of relationships. 'This includes, but is not limited to, the realms of gender, ethnicity, culture, social role, age group, personality, religion, spirituality, religious community, marital status, vowed life status, and sexuality' (Kappler, 2014). These relationships are formative for our identity in that they exert positive and negative influences on who we think we are and the roles we think we play. Moreover, as our place in these relationships changes over time, new expectations and opportunities arise to make choices to either embrace or reject these new roles as part of our sense of self. Whether we like it or not, these choices become part of our personal identities. We all experience being a child. When we are children no matter how much we might want to think of ourselves as adults we remain children.  Becoming parents or deciding not to have children has a certain objective impact on our identities. Once a person has a child, regardless of their actual relationship with that child, being a parent becomes part of their identity. The ways in which we respond to the objective dimensions of our identity arising from our relationships to the world, to others, to institutions, and to time and history contributes to the formation of our own sense of self in the world and the formation of the way other people see us.

Everybody wants to be somebody, to be significant. Everybody longs for an identity. Humans as bodily beings have experiences of the world which are ambiguous. Sometimes humans experience the world as a place in which they seem to be the sole actors, the creators of their own universes. The world responds to the way individuals engage with it. At other times, however, human beings experience themselves as objects in the world. Things happen to individuals that were neither sought nor desired. Sometimes, human beings experience the world as a place that affirms them, that makes them feel that they are worthwhile and that their life has meaning and purpose. At other times, however, humans experience the world as a life-threatening place in which other people treat them as worthless, a place where the natural world seems indifferent to their existence, or to whether they live or die. Of course, all human beings must face the inevitability of their own mortality, their own inevitable and unpredictable death.

Consequently every human being experiences a desire to affirm themselves, to affirm the meaning and purpose of their own lives and their own worth and dignity in the face of experiences that seem to undermine or deny them their human dignity, meaning and purpose.  Put another way everybody wants to be cherished and loved. From a Catholic perspective, individuals find themselves through loving and self-giving relationships. Whilst it might seem logical that our identities would be most affirmed by selfish or self-interested behaviour the contrary is the case. Our identities, our sense of ourselves as a person with meaning and purpose in life are most often discovered and affirmed when we are selfless and make a gift of ourselves in the service of others.

The paradox of identity is that it is both something that is always already true and unchanging and something that changes and develops over time. The Christian tradition affirms, on the one hand, that each individual is a unique creation of God possessing an inviolable inherent worth. God created you, loves you, and will always love you. On the other hand, it also takes seriously the reality that this unique individual is nonetheless situated in history. Each person grows through different stages of life, from childhood, through adolescence and adulthood, to old age. In all of these stages the essential core identity of the person remains constant. You are still essentially the same person that you were when you were born and the you that you will be when you die. But it also makes sense to talk about becoming a different person as we learn and grow through these stages of life. The child is different to the parent and the parent is different to the grandparent. Yet we can experience being all of these different people as we go through life. Still, we can only experience them by going through life. You can only experience being a grandparent by becoming a grandparent and can only make grandparent part of your identity if it is the case in real life. So, as we enter into different stages of our lives, we will often have to revisit and re-evaluate some aspects of our identity.

This developmental aspect of identity formation—the fact that though you remain the same person, you also change—is important for two reasons. First, one should not expect people at different stages of their lives to think and act in the same way. We talk about the wisdom of old age because the elderly have lived through the various stages of life and have the benefit of a lifetime of experience. Young people can only imagine what it is like to be old, but old people know what it is like to be young. Similarly, parents know what it is like to be a child, whilst children can only imagine what it is like to be a parent. It takes time to develop and mature, to learn what things are really worthwhile doing and which are not. It takes time to learn from one's mistakes as wells as from one's successes. Second, identity formation is an ongoing process that needs to be constantly revisited. Identity formation requires attention and flexibility. An unexplored, unexamined, unattended identity carries its own risks. A person runs the danger of drifting through life imagining that they are someone they are not. Individuals need to understand their changing identity in order to develop that identity or sense of self, in a way that truly affirms the meaning and worth of their life and desire for dignity. Humans need to  embrace those aspects of their identity that are positive and life-affirming while recognising and carefully managing aspects that might damage personal hopes and the hopes of others.

Sexual identity is an integral part of a healthy identity. Like all other aspects of identity, sexual identity is subject to external pressures that call it into question and invite individuals to make choices about who they are and what sort of life they want to lead. Sexual identity also entails a developmental process. 'Forming a healthy sexual identity is a life-span process. Paying loving and gentle attention to it invites us to grow and mature as God's beloved sons and daughters who are made in God's image and likeness' (Kappler, 2014).

Human sexuality flows from a person's unique and unrepeatable identity and vocation as a being created in the image of God. Human persons, as images of God, are both physical and spiritual beings. They are both embodied spirits, and inspirited bodies. God is imaged in the two equally dignified ways of being human: male and female. Together, women and men are called to reflect God's presence and action in the world in a creative covenant of love.

Sexuality is grounded in, and gives expression to, the human need to love and be loved and the longing to generate new life out of this mutual loving. This mutual loving and the new life that flows from it are considered signs of God's presence and action in the world.

Healthy Christian sexuality concerns the whole person—the integration of body, heart, mind and spirit. Each of these aspects of the whole person is good and each deserves respect, care and nurturing. The virtue of prudence entails making careful, informed and deliberate choices. Chastity involves controlling one's sexual desires out of respect for oneself and others as both bodily and spiritual beings. Prudence and chastity are important keys to healthy sexuality, healthy personhood and loving, and just and safe relationships. Consequently, genital sexual intimacy finds its true expression in the commitment of marriage, open to the generation of new human life.

The person is a unity of body, mind and spirit. The body is one with the soul in the human person (embodied spirit, inspirited body). 'The body with its feelings, thoughts, urges and longings is a place of divine revelation rather than something to be feared or an object of shame or something less than the mind or spirit' (McClone, 2011, p.4). From a Catholic perspective, human beings hold a unique place in Creation. On the one hand they are material, like animals, because they are physical, bodily beings, bound by time and space on the planet we call Earth. Humans need food, air and water. Human beings need to engage in sexual intercourse in order to keep their species going. Just as an individual would die without food and water, the human species will become extinct without human sexual activity. On the other hand, human beings are eternal because each is created with a rational, spiritual soul that continues to live beyond physical death in this life. What is important for the Catholic perspective on sex and relationship education is to realise that this bodily dimension, and this mental and spiritual dimension cannot be separated from each other. In other words, the human being is a unity of body, mind and spirit.

Human beings are sexual beings. Since our bodies are part of who we are and a vital dimension of the way we exist in, and interact with, the world, our biological makeup as members of a species that procreates through sexual reproduction is of significance when thinking about what it means to be human and how we should best be human. Each human being exists as a specific kind of sexual being. Usually this is as either a male or a female. In the Genesis narratives, we read about how God created human beings, male and female, in God's image. In other words, being male and being female are two ways of being a human body (John Paul II, General Audience, 7 November 1979). Sex education should also include respect and appreciation for differences, as a way of helping the young to overcome their self-absorption and to be open and accepting of others (Pope Francis, 2016 Amoris Laetitia).

Human beings are created for unity. Put bluntly, male genital organs and female genital organs are both necessary for reproduction and no human can procreate alone in any natural way. But this complementarity extends beyond simple physical necessity and compatibility. Rather, as Pope St John Paul II (General Audience, 7 November 1979) has argued in his interpretation of the second Genesis narrative, men and women are better together. In Genesis, God decides that it is not good for the first human being (who arguably has no sexual identity) to be alone. Despite the presence of all the animals the first human being is not happy. So God puts the human being to sleep and creates another human being from the same flesh (the rib) of the first human being. When they awaken, the first human being recognizes the second as 'flesh of my flesh' and expresses, for the first time, joy. In other words, human beings find joy and completion in other human beings. Man and woman find joy and completion in each other. The complementarity of woman and man is characterised by: a) equal dignity; b) significant difference; c) synergetic relation—meaning something more happens when you have woman and man together, e.g. generation of a child or generation of the joy of mutual love; d) intergenerational fruition—in other words the human species and the expression of culture goes on generation after generation after generation across historical time. (Allen, 2014).

Men and Women are fundamentally equal. Man and woman are both human beings. Theologically speaking the creation of human beings precedes the creation of the sexes. Women and men are of equal worth or dignity in the eyes of God. Both male and female are made in God's image and both are called to share in the future God promises. Yet, this fundamental equality does not mean that being a man and being a woman is the same thing. Rather it is equally good to be man as it is to be a woman and neither sex should think of itself as superior in some fundamental or essential way to the other. Man and woman share the same humanity. They are both made in God's image sharing a basic mutuality. Both are called to live in a covenant of love (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 1991). Consequently, sexism, that is, the unjust discrimination to the detriment of a person on the basis of his or her sex is not to be tolerated. Since all human beings, whether male or female, share the same dignity or moral worth each gender has an equal claim to the natural human rights that proceed from this worth. Similarly, each gender has a duty to work for the common good and to respect the dignity and rights of others. True, all human beings are not alike from the point of view of varying physical power and the diversity of intellectual and moral resources. Nevertheless, with respect to the fundamental rights of the person, every type of discrimination, whether social or cultural, whether based on sex, race, color, social condition, language or religion, is to be overcome and eradicated as contrary to God's intent (Vatican Council II, Gaudium et Spes, para. 29).

Though most human beings are either male or female, and most human beings identify as such, there are some human beings who do not, or do not feel that they fall into either of categories, male or female. For some, this arises from genetic or biological divergence from the norm. For others psychological factors have an influence on perception of gender identity. The gender identity of others is influenced by a combination of biological and psychological factors. Examples include Sex Chromosome Aneuploidy, Intersex, and Gender Dysphoria or Transsexualism. As with all instances in which people feel like their situation (whatever that may be) is unusual or outside of what is 'normal', and especially where they associate this feeling of being unusual or outside of what is 'normal' with potentially negative treatment by others, these situations are often a struggle for the people who experience them and for those close to them. What will people think of me? Will anybody ever be able to love me? Will I be able to live a 'normal' life? These are some of the questions that people struggling with their sexual identity might ask. Indeed, they are questions that we all ask when we feel like we are 'not normal' or when we are deciding whether to do something that is 'not normal'. They are questions that arise from a fear of exclusion, or from being deemed less worthy of respect, care, love and justice. It is a fear that most people experience at some time in their lives, but a fear that for some people is a constant companion. These feelings are further exacerbated when we feel like we did not choose to be this way or to be in this situation. From a Catholic Perspective, the first and most important thing is to reaffirm that all human beings are created fundamentally equal in the image of God, worthy of equal respect, care, love and justice. In moral terms our being human is prior to our being a man or a woman. Consequently, no person who experiences a situation in which they feel they are 'not normal' should ever be made to feel like they are 'not worthy' of the respect, care, love and justice that is due to every human being by virtue of their being human. In particular they should never be made to feel like they are not respected, cared for, loved or treated justly. Bullying, teasing, violence, exclusion and any other kind of demonizing or dehumanizing treatment is never acceptable from a Catholic perspective. How an individual concretely deals with working out his or her sexual identity in these complicated situations is not something that should be taken lightly or treated flippantly. As we shall see below, sexuality is an important part of who we are as human beings. Taking sexuality seriously is part of what it means to live life whole-heartedly. Effective support for a person with regard to their sexuality is more likely to be achieved in a supportive environment in which emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual support are at hand and understanding, and guidance are made available in a sensitive and dignity-affirming manner. However one resolves one's sexual identity, and one's identity as a person, one is always called upon to love responsibly and chastely as described below. Yet another challenge is posed by the various forms of an ideology of gender that 'denies the difference and reciprocity in nature of a man and a woman and envisages a society without sexual differences, thereby eliminating the anthropological basis of the family. This ideology leads to educational programmes and legislative enactments that promote a personal identity and emotional intimacy radically separated from the biological difference between male and female. Consequently, human identity be- comes the choice of the individual, one which can also change over time'. It is a source of concern that some ideologies of this sort, which seek to respond to what are at times understand- able aspirations, manage to assert themselves as absolute and unquestionable, even dictating how children should be raised. It needs to be emphasized that 'biological sex and the socio-cultural role of sex (gender) can be distinguished but not separated'. n the other hand, 'the techno- logical revolution in the field of human procreation has introduced the ability to manipulate the reproductive act, making it independent of the sexual relationship between a man and a woman. In this way, human life and parenthood have become modular and separable realities, subject mainly to the wishes of individuals or couples'. It is one thing to be understanding of human weakness and the complexities of life, and another to accept ideologies that attempt to sunder what are inseparable aspects of reality. Let us not fall into the sin of trying to replace the Creator. We are creatures, and not omnipotent. Creation is prior to us and must be received as a gift. At the same time, we are called to protect our humanity, and this means, in the first place, accepting it and respecting it as it was created (Pope Francis, 2016 Amoris Laetitia).